Sexy outfit, shot glass filled to the brim, ID and debit card tucked safely into that one pocket that never lets you down–staples of every night out. But there’s one aspect of every drunken escapade that deserves primacy among all others: the trusty sidekick. Your faithful friend, the wingman (or woman) that can always be relied upon to hold back your hair, hail a cab, delete texts from the ex, and fling themselves in between you and potential regrets.
Unless you’re a one man wolf pack, on the prowl in solitary perpetuity, you know what I’m talking about. No night is complete without a better half to share it with. I know that, for the most part, if my dependable pals aren’t up to going out, I’ll probably end up staying in. It’s just not the same without them; the jokes aren’t as funny, the songs aren’t as good, the guys aren’t as hot.
With a cluster of drunken nights in the offing, I thought it was prudent to celebrate the wonderful people to which all of us owe so much: sidekicks. They’re there for you from pre-drink to post-party pass out. Remember, everyone: these are the people that enable your one night stands. Appreciate them.
To those people who consistently go out and have a shitty time: perhaps you should consider recycling your traditional wingman and introducing some new blood to your weekend routine. That one person is usually the difference between wholesale fun and utter misery. Usually the best sidekick is one who will hold your hair back when you puke, and then make fun of you for it beginning the second you’re sober enough to understand what they’re saying. If they brood about it… you’re in trouble.
But Sidekick Street runs both ways. The best way to celebrate a trusty sidekick is to buy them an expensive drink. But the second best way (an admittedly cheaper, and therefore more appealing option) is to reciprocate. Take turns being the Flounder to their Ariel. Show your wingman you care by being their wingman. If the entire world operated on such simplistic logic, humans might shoot each other less and party a whole lot more.
So, this is from all the Batmans, to all the Robins. Sidekicks, you are the peanut butter to our jelly, the icing on our cake. Thanks for making our lives two litres of fun in a one litre bottle.
Wingmen, cheers to you.